So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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