if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
