Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
