eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
