So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
40s are totally the cure
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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