Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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