Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
