Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
