is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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