love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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