I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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