I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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