god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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