Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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