How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
