yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
