...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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