he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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