At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
