apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
