i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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