Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
