Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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