Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
