I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
