Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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