Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
