did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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