I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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