Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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