it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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