Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
