Define "chronic" masturbator.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
