oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
