I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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