Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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