Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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