smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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