I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
