If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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