I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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