u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
