"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
