Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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