bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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