4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
