we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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