Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
