Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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