He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
