I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We need to get me chipped asap
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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