mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
