the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
