carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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