no, he came in my armpit
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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