Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
did you just send me my own nude
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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