You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
