you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
