hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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