omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
