I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
