Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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