I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You can't special order awesome
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
