the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
