did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
