Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
