By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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