I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
