this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
