Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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